[ The naked jazz standards comment has K's shoulders shaking in silent laughter. But more interesting is the mention of jealousy. Even if it's meant in jest, he wonders if there might be any truth hidden behind it; one among a growing list of topics they ought to discuss at some point. In the meantime, he tilts his head to nuzzle Tech Boy's neck, murmuring against his skin: ] I only want you. [ Almost simultaneous with his spoken reply is the thought: In every way there is to want someone.
For his dream to make much sense to anyone else it would require an explanation of his baseline tests, and he isn't sure he wants that sort of singular focus put on his problems right now. Particularly when it runs the risk of souring Tech Boy's mood. But... it could also help him understand K better, and provide some needed context for why he's struggling with the choice of having his programming altered.
While he's thinking on the offer, he eyes the vape curiously. ] What's the frog for?
[ Someone has clearly never vaped before. Though he could make an educated guess.
Something stronger than booze. It begs the obvious question of why Tech Boy partakes as often as he does. ] Are you all right? [ He asks at length, voice still quiet. ] After the ship, Rapture, [ The plasmids. ] all of that. And don't brush me off this time, please. [ As he's speaking, he's carefully walking them backwards toward the sofa, where he pulls Tech Boy down into his lap as he takes a seat, still keeping hold of him. ]
[ Tech Boy doesn't respond aloud to the nuzzle and reaffirmation other than to make a soft sound of enjoyment in his throat and projecting "Good." with his thoughts. Any real conversation about jealousy could happen later. He's not even considering the possibility currently. ]
It's named Toby. [ he says with a giggle, then continues ] The frog is aesthetic because the juice is synthetic Bufotenin. Toad skins. My personal favorite. It's nice, takes the edge off of harsh reality and keeps me level. [ which is saying something considering how emotionally unstable the god is most of the time. ]
[ He goes down to the sofa with K easily, but he finishes his drink and sets the glass down on the floor before getting comfortable for an uncomfortable conversation. ] Fine. I won't brush you off, but you're next. [ Even thinking about what he'd gone through in Rapture and the subsequent month of detox, causes him enough anxiety that he fidgets the vape in his hand. ] I'm fine now, but it hurt at first. Like flesh from the bones bad. Then it itched, like a wound healing slowly. I think now I'm just paranoid. That it'll come back... and about other things. Which is why I'm watching. [ the increased voyeurism thing. ] And I don't sleep. I can, but I haven't been.
[ Looking thoughtful, he puts the vape to his lips... but he removes it without triggering it, deciding at the last moment that he doesn't want to blow smoke in K's face. That's an interrogation tactic for him, and he's not even going to accidentally do that to K unless K chooses to join him on the trip. ]
[ So even gods suffer the effects of addiction and withdrawal. He'd had the feeling it was going to be bad after seeing evidence of what heavy usage did to other people. But there's no desire to say I told you so; there's only regret that he wasn't able to help. That Tech Boy never let on how bad it was, and presumably chose to handle it completely alone.
With the string connection, all K'd had to deal with was the acute separation anxiety whenever they were apart. It's hard to imagine managing that while also going through extreme withdrawal... ]
I wish I could've helped. If you're ever that bad off again, for any reason, I'd like you to tell me. Don't shut me out. That's the only way this— [ Gesturing between them. ] Is going to work. I signed up for the good and the bad.
[ His delivery is too gentle to be taken as a lecture, at least by the standards of most people. But having learnt how sensitive Tech Boy is to any perceived criticism, he attempts to further soften the impact of his words by slipping his hands beneath the god's shirt, languidly stroking along his sides in soothing motions. ]
You can not-sleep with me if you ever want to. [ And K knows how that sounds, judging by his small smile. Barring recovery from injuries, he requires less sleep than his human counterparts, so Tech Boy could have conscious company for most the night. ] What other things are you paranoid about?
[ At that obvious hesitation, he nods toward the vape to indicate he'll try it. But his own hands are otherwise occupied, so it's up to Tech Boy to decide how he wants to share it. At worst it may not have much of an effect on him, K figures, but he's curious now. ]
[ First things first, because apparently this conversation is going to require a bit more steel than Tech Boy had anticipated when he first popped over. Given consent and the current position of K's hands, here's a trick he doesn't get the opportunity to use very often. He makes significant eye contact with K as he brings the vape back to his lips, but then closes his eyes as he slowly draws a mouthful of the odd-smelling vapor. Leaning in close enough as if he's going to kiss K, his eyes flutter back open. ] Inhale. [ He parts his lips to slowly exhale the smoke. He's going to be watching K's reaction to this very, very carefully. ]
I'm a god, K. [ His voice carries a softer edge than usual. ] We're not in the habit of admitting our weaknesses. Not to ourselves, and not to anyone else. It's dangerous to be vulnerable. [ a soft kiss on the lips. ] But I guess now you know.
[ And K does, showing no signs of hesitation as he inhales deeply and suppresses the initial impulse to cough. Markedly different from the nicotine he's tried before, that much is immediately apparent to him, though it takes several more moments before the synthetic Bufotenin begins to really affect him. Subtly at first, with the faint flush that's spreading across his skin — from the chest up — and the movements of his hands become even gentler as he focuses on the sensations, eyes partially closing at the barely there brush of Tech Boy's lips on his. Everything seems to blur a little at the edges in a way that makes him feel... loose.
Even Tech Boy is blurring in his vision, changing. Being revealed. ]
Dangerous to be vulnerable out there. You don't have to pretend here. Not with me. [ He says quietly, bringing one of his hands up to lightly touch Tech Boy's altered face in fascination. Then leans in to return the prior kiss, warm and insistent, before whispering: ] I see you. [ And through their connection is the echo of a thought, dreadfully distinct. ]
[ The first hit always takes everyone a little differently, and Tech Boy can practically see it work itself through K's system. The gentler touches almost tickle, and he smiles to himself because K's clearly a lightweight for the stuff and riding the sensation high. One or two more of those, and K'll barely remember the word stress. Hopefully it'll also soothe his bad dreams.
Tech Boy knows what K's seeing when he looks at him. The god's hi-res human-looking form is the first to deteriorate in his own particularly astringent vapor cloud. It'll snap back to normal soon enough, but K's welcome to feel it as long as its visible. He's solid, but the godflesh tingles like faint static. The kiss brings him back. ] I'd hope so. [ to either comment. or both. ]
[ Sliding onto K's lap to properly face him, he straddles K's thighs, leaving some space between their bodies (for now). He takes a slow draw from the vape himself, inhaling from his mouth to his nose, then slowly exhaling the cloud between them. He's certain there are more questions that needed answers tonight, but the thought he'd picked up through their connection has him puzzled. ] Dreadfully? [ --distinct. It sounded vaguely rote to Tech Boy. ]
[ He's giving the god a pointed look through the smoke slowly curling toward the ceiling between them. As appealing as it is to sink into the effects of the drug, he can't bring himself to fully let go just yet. Not when this topic feels like standing on the edge of a yawning void. Though his thoughts are growing hazy. ]
From a poem... my favourite poem. [ It's the truth, at least, even if it's wrapped up in a little deflection. Apparently he'll have to work up to the topic. He hums low in his throat as he settles against the back of the sofa, letting his hands drift as his thoughts do, simply wanting to touch Tech Boy. Which is his default state these days, but it's especially nice right now. ]
Sorry about the voyeurism comments. [ He says while smoothing his hands up Tech Boy's thighs. ] I'm not very good at... [ Joking. Banter. Flirting. Being a person. He's not sure what best applies here. ] What was wrong, before? When I asked you to show me. I hope you know you don't have to perform for me.
I didn't know you were into poetry. You'll have to tell me more, sometime.
[ Tech Boy taps K's hand on his thigh with the vape. Not as an offer, more of an impatient gesture like tapping his finger. He has no reason to mistrust K's answer, but something in that look make him think it's a bigger deal than he's letting on. Later, if K's not ready for it now. Even if he's wrong and it's just poetry, there's reluctance, and the god's not pushing.
Not that the topic shift makes Tech Boy any more comfortable. Smoking mellows him out, and K assured him he can be vulnerable, but this is icky not-dreamworld stuff. Tech Boy supposes if he didn't hold such long grudges, he may have even been over it by now. ] No, you're fine at-- [ vague hand wave to indicate the missing word. ] You don't need to apologize. I have no complaints.
[ but he huffs a little, exhaling a remnant of vapor from his lungs. Well. K wanted honesty. Fine. ] That particular phrase, the way you said it. "Show me." I got burned by people I thought I could fucking trust. No... I fucking knew I couldn't trust them. [ He can feel himself getting angry again, and this is why he smokes. This time, the draw is faster and more deliberate, and he blows the smoke away from K instead. ] "Show me." Prove yourself. Fuck him. [ He tosses the vape away to the far side of the sofa with a violent flick. ]
[ Placing his hands on K's, he leans forward and slowly slides them up K's bare arms. He meets K's eyes, dilated and slightly intense with that antique monitor glow in his eyes. ] If I perform for you, it's because I want to. I want you to know how lucky you've gotten. [ Oh, so humble. --and how lucky I've gotten. ]
I don't take that for granted. I'm incredibly lucky to have the regard of the God of Technology.
[ Carefully enunciating those capital letters as he slides one hand inward, between Tech Boy's legs, and lightly traces the outline of his cock through the material of his clothing while holding the eye contact. A fairly blatant attempt to redirect his emotions away from anger, but it'll be easy enough to stop K if the contact isn't wanted right now. For all he knows, maybe it feels good to be angry while high; he's still learning Tech Boy's idiosyncrasies. ]
And if you're going to fuck anyone— [ He raises his eyebrows with a slight smile. ] I'm sorry for what happened to you, though. [ And now he knows to maybe avoid using that particular phrase in the future...
With his free hand he reaches for the thrown vape, holding it up to get a better look at the frog. ]
While snubbing gods, including the big G, Iph borrowed some peripheral debris From mystic visions; and it offered tips (The amber spectacles for life's eclipse)— How not to panic when you're made a ghost: Sidle and slide, choose a smooth surd, and coast, Meet solid bodies and glissade right through, Or let a person circulate through you.
[ He'd said he wanted to hear some poetry, so no time like the present. Afterward K pauses and looks up from his contemplation of Toby. ]
[ The Technical Boy does appreciate significant capital letters, but he does almost tell K he doesn't have to try so hard to please him when K's hand begins to slide. Tech Boy breaks eye contact to glance down with something very like alarm for a moment before immediately relaxing and pressing into the touch. Maybe there's more cause to flatter the god than he's allowing himself, so he stays silent on that matter.
Regaining eye contact as if the faux pas never happened, he folds his hands behind K's neck as he recites poetry. ]
what to do On suddenly discovering that you Are now a young and vulnerable toad Plump in the middle of a busy road, Or a bear cub beneath a burning pine, Or a book mite in a revived divine.
[ He blinks. ] Why the fuck do I know that and can't remember Yeats on cue?
[ but then he grows still and serious. ] Two yes, and one no. [ then barely a whisper ] They retired me. How dare they. How fucking dare they. [ but there's no anger in it this time. Only pain. He leans forward to rest his forehead against K's. ] I don't want to talk about this right now.
[ Oh. He knows the poem, or possibly used the network to find it; it still counts. But K's delighted smile is short-lived, fading at the mention of Tech Boy having been retired. What are the odds the human-coined term for executing androids could have a very similar context among gods, particularly for the god of technology? He can't know for certain, and Tech Boy's request makes him hesitant to ask for clarification, but... it's a chilling coincidence.
If he weren't so accustomed to suppressing his "problematic" reactions (read: likely to upset humans or draw unwanted attention to himself) he would have shuddered. The internal horror he feels is all the worse for the lack of physical expression.
After a long moment, his faintly shaking hands come to rest on either side of Tech Boy's face, thumbs lightly stroking his skin. K's eyes are closed as he concentrates on one of his memories of walking through downtown Los Angeles, his perfect recall recreating the details in flawless clarity for Tech Boy. For K, an unremarkable day. But for someone who's never experienced it—
It's a sea of neon and noise.
Behemoth skyscrapers several hundred storeys high are covered with projected holographic adverts, a shimmering holographic ballerina pirouetting between them. Loud speakers attached to aerial screens shill off-world tours for exorbitant prices. A caravan of flying cars zip overhead at breakneck speed through the perpetually overcast sky — in the memory, K's eyes briefly follow them as they disappear into the distance.
There are slow-moving, tankish street cleaners to detoxify the rain and snow that never cease, taxis, rickshaws; but the majority of people are on foot — hundreds crowding the streets, most armed with umbrellas. Because of this, there's an occasional snarled 'fucking skinjob' and the like from human passers-by, including his own human coworkers of the LAPD. The encounters are immediately followed by glimpses of the wet, snow-covered pavement from K averting his eyes to avoid conflict.
As he heads deeper into the market, he's greeted by walls of vending machines with animated screens. The market is subdivided by stalls, stations, shops, all under bright lights; the eclectic crowd of customers in a crush to purchase food and drink, entertainment, gadgets. And of course there's the Wallace Corporation's ubiquitous presence, offering synthetic food solutions, a variety of services, holographic companions (some can be seen walking and flirting with their human users), as well as K's own kind just like any other product being sold to the masses, with a lurid emphasis placed on the pleasure models that are available. They're all designed to be used in one way or another, as he'd said.
But the main takeaway he's hoping Tech Boy will have is that technology is everywhere, old, new, a blending of both, an integral part of the world. The humans of K's world are no longer able to survive without technology in a very literal sense — the ecosystems have collapsed. Without the technology that develops synthetic food sources, they would all starve. Without replicant slave labour to colonise other planets, they would all die on the one they've all but destroyed.
A grim future, perhaps, but technologically beautiful. ]
[ The fact that K's hands are shaking when they touch his face knocks the god out of his misery just enough for him to slide one of his own hands to place it over K's heart, seeking the cause of that distress. He has time to think "what a fucking roller coaster night" to himself before he feels the pressure of K's memory. Taking a deep breath, the god relaxes, closes his eyes again, and receives it.
This connection. They'd touched before, but nothing quite on this scale. Tech Boy is seeing a real memory of the future through K's own eyes. And what he sees, it's... awe inspiring.
When they'd first met, the god had immediately analysed a few things about K himself and about the technologically advanced future he must have come from. He'd known his own divine influence must have survived in some capacity to inspire the creation of the beautifully and intricately fashioned replicants such as the one on front of him. Seeing it first-hand, however.... The prevalence of and unprecedented reliance on this technology, it... It stripped him of words. Whatever preconceived notion he had entertained but had never bothered to confirm is completely blown out of the water by K's reality.
Even though the memory playback is not designed to look for the divine touch, Tech Boy can see evidence of his own hand (or a version of it) at work here. Clearly Media's, too, as the two gods had never and would never truly be rid of each other. While he hadn't (as of 2018) developed the initial idea for most of what he's seeing, with a glance he could backwards engineer much of it. It's exceptional work. Clever application. Embraced wholesale by the masses and thriving. Evolving. Grim as it may be, this is a vision of the future that the New Gods would have hoped for.
This is also a future a binary god would birth in the mind of a genius and then never see into fruition. It would take an upgraded iteration of the God of Technology to produce this, not himself. And knowing that, he's glad he's seeing it now.
Sort of.
Even as he's marveling at a larger view K's world, Tech Boy doesn't miss the behavior of others towards K himself. The fact that K averts his gaze at the insults from the humans who pass him. Intelligent, self-aware beings treated as lesser than and sold as a commodity. Nothing synthetic in Tech Boy's own time has developed enough sentience to warrant his direct protection from human meddling, but seeing it here drives deep an almost parental instinct. The mistreatment is appalling. Completely foreseeable and exactly what he'd expect, knowing humans as he does, but distasteful and disappointing. This is how they treat his divine inspiration to their species? Forever ungrateful, the whole lot of them. ]
How beautiful [ he says aloud, voice low ] and how fucking vulgar. [ Tech Boy kisses K's lips softly, feeling like every nerve is lit up. His eyes remain closed because he doesn't entirely know what will happens when he opens them again. The one thing he knows for sure is that he's not intending to let go of K anytime soon. ]
[ Maybe he could have made an effort to conceal some of those unpleasant aspects, presented a more idealised version of events, but it's so good to feel... seen, and understood. Truly understood, on a visceral level. Describing what life is like for replicants in his homeworld can't begin to compare to the actual experience of it, which is probably true for most experiences. But that's still secondary to the reason why he chose to share what he did.
He's smiling into the kiss and continues to hold Tech Boy's face between his hands, resuming the gentle stroking motions with his thumbs, savouring the contact. ]
No matter what they may do to you— [ The ones whom Tech Boy had referred to having retired him. And the thought of it still has K vaguely nauseous, but he presses on quietly. ] You're here to stay. There can't be a future without you. Even when the world is collapsing, you'll live on.
[ Across a dozen other planets, eventually carried to other galaxies. By replicants, undoubtedly. And maybe one day of their own volition. ]
I exist because of you. [ Indirectly, maybe, but he's prepared to silence Tech Boy with another kiss if he tries to argue semantics. ] Like I told you, I'm incredibly lucky. [ And there's no need for the God of Technology to pretend to be humble right now. K's grateful to have been trusted with that glimpse of his pain, before, and hopes any of this might help ease it, however briefly. ]
[ Tech Boy is grateful in return for the whole experience and never wants K to censor anything about himself, no matter how unpleasant. Exposing pain and vulnerability is apparently the theme for the night, and it's strangely liberating. He wants to understand K, and to be understood himself. It's a freedom he's never allowed himself out of fear of getting hurt. Or used. He doesn't fear that with K.
His thoughts linger on the memory, replaying what he recalls. The negative reactions of others toward the replicant population and K himself... it makes Tech Boy wish he could have been there for him sooner. Humans must have settled their differences amongst each other and traded racism for bigotry against synthetics. Humanity remains constantly disappointing.
But K... and his world... are marvels. The tension seems to melt from his body as he relaxes into K's touch, hooked on his words.
He does open his mouth to protest and will gladly accept a kiss instead. It's complicated, but some way he does survive. He hasn't died. Not for good. Hasn't failed. Not for long. With the chill of weakness fading, he begins to caress K's chest with the hand he'd been resting over his heart. ]
[ It may have taken a fair bit of stumbling through uncertainties and fears to arrive here, but K thinks it was well worth the effort to be able to feel the tension leaving Tech Boy like that and knowing he helped. He finally found the right words, and they were enough; he was enough, instead of being found lacking in some way, as he's so accustomed to. Pleasant as the synthetic Bufotenin makes him feel, it doesn't begin to compare to this — actually feeling good about himself.
He sighs out a breath, a quiet sound of contentment at Tech Boy's touch. And maybe he shouldn't read too much into the placement of his hand, but it's... sweet, disarmingly so. Not a word he'd normally associate with this particular god, but he does have his moments lately. ]
Are you in the mood to let me see what you were working on? [ A tentative question (carefully avoiding a request to show me) as he lowers his hands to either side of Tech Boy's neck, not willing to let him go just yet. A chance for Tech Boy to show off if he wants to. ] Or do you want to come to bed with me? [ He offers a slight smile. ] I'll bet I could read you to sleep.
[ If sleep is what he wants. Or they could stay like this. K clearly isn't in a hurry to get up. ]
[ Hmm? What he was working on--oh. Oh right. He had been doing something before K texted him about dancing. In light of this revelation, K's world and the prevailing evidence of his continued existence in some fashion there, Tech Boy had allowed his work on the Children to slip his mind. The overwhelming relief he feels plus the combination of the toad skin vape and the only bare skin he's craved in recent memory is not exactly making focusing easy anymore. Turning his mind off entirely is so dangerous and usually so incredibly lonely, but it's all he wants to do right now to leave himself in K's care. Sweet? Not exactly. But close enough. ]
I do want to come to bed with you, but if you want to meet the Children, that can be arranged with minimal fuss. We wouldn't even need to move, unless the fact that they're humanoid bothers you. [ His eyes are open now, pupils dilated so far his eyes look dark instead of blue, but he makes no effort to pull away. ] It can also wait until morning. They're not going anywhere.
[ That's very preferable at the moment — not even having to move for the demonstration. He takes his time trailing his hands down Tech Boy's body in appreciation, slowing to a stop at his hips. ]
They're an extension of your own will. [ And not sentient, he reminds himself. ] So I'm going to assume I don't need to put on pants for this.
[ Actually he's going to assume neither of them have to be clothed for this, and Tech Boy needs to shed some layers if he's coming to bed, so they might as well get a head start on that at the same time. Efficiency. Hooking the fingers of one hand into the waistband of Tech Boy's pants, K's focus remains on the god's face as he begins undoing them. Still without any particular urgency behind his actions, which is only in part because of the lingering effects of the vape; it's clear he's just enjoying himself. His smile returns as his expression softens with a fond look. ]
[ With a soft breath of a laugh, Tech Boy's hands fall gently to K's to stop him from making more progress undressing him. He doesn't move them, just gets in the way enough to interrupt. ] There's no need for pants, but it does require a little bit of concentration on my part, and if you do that, I won't be able to concentrate anymore. [ Even so, he walks his fingers over K's abs for a few steps. He really likes that look on K's face. Whatever he can do to keep inspiring that expression, he'll try his best.
Tech Boy could easily have stayed just this way. The offer of bed and dozing while being read to is really tempting. But he also does really like to show off and, in doing so, gives him a chance to flex his powers before this dream world decides to strip him of the privilege again. He hesitates simply to prolong the uninterrupted moment between them.
True to his word, he doesn't have to move to bring the Children online, but he does flutter his eyes closed. The phone screen lights up where it's still sitting on K's piano. A moment later, there's a soft digital sound as one forms seemingly out of nothing. Faceless, the male form is dressed simply in all black and stands with a relaxed posture, hands in his pockets in a manner very similar to Tech Boy himself.
And now to watch K's reaction closely. ] What do you think?
[ It could be an enjoyable exercise, seeing how well Tech Boy is able to maintain his concentration while being provided with other distractions. Another time, maybe, when nerves aren't so raw and it's less likely to be taken as a challenge to prove himself. Though it occurs to K that some of the testing humans forced him to undergo isn't unlike that premise — which puts a damper on the thought, and he has an uncomfortable moment realising he has little idea of what even constitutes "fun". Particularly for a god.
He obliges the request by stilling his hands. For a moment, at least, and then he takes one of Tech Boy's hands between his own while he manifests one of the Children. The construct is. Not entirely horrifying? But as he stares at it, he can easily imagine they must be disturbing for humans to encounter, and perhaps intentionally so. His expression ebbs into a troubled look, though not for the reasons Tech Boy may assume. ]
They're part of you. [ Thoughtfully, while running his thumb across the back of Tech Boy's hand, and he looks from the construct back to him. ] You said they serve the new gods. You're the only one who's able to control them?
[ Given his own experiences with being controlled by others, it shouldn't be surprising that that's where his mind goes first — now concerned that it's Tech Boy, himself, possibly being forced to do things he'd rather not. ]
[ Despite his inability to be two places at once, Tech Boy's multitasking skills are second-to-none. He would enjoy showing them off if the right distraction could be provided. Currently, he is a bit raw about, well, everything really, but the god'll never skip a chance to demonstrate and brag about his skills.
The troubled look worries Tech Boy, and he narrows his eyes slightly in thought.
And in response to the comment, he actually looks away. ]
They're a part of me. I offer them to aid the New Gods in Mr. World's war. [ He almost omits mentioning the war, but in truth he'd never extended the use of the Children to the other gods until such a need arose. For exactly the reason that K fears. Doing things he doesn't want to do. But that's the way in war, isn't it? ] I control them exclusively, but there are times when other's orders need to be followed.
[ The construct gives a small bow then takes a seat at K's piano. He begins to play softly. Despite the bizarre appearance, the playing is quite skilled, an extension of Tech Boy's own ability. ]
[ Despite the shift back into the emotional minefield of difficult topics, the unexpected mood music surprises a smile from K, and he's taking note of what's being played — hoping that it's an indication of Tech Boy's own preferences. ]
A war... That's why you don't get along with Sweeney and Shadow Moon. [ He guesses. And while he's yet to meet the latter party, Sweeney has told him a few things that are suddenly making more sense. After several moments' consideration, he reaches up and gently cups Tech Boy's cheek with a hand again, not forcing him to look back, but offering reassurance. Being allowed this kind of tactile contact now has opened up avenues for comfort that weren't previously available to him, and he's taking full advantage of it. ]
You choose to fight in it? [ He very carefully asks. ]
[ Tech Boy's nose wrinkles at the sound of the leprechaun's name but nods. He's opting for the longer version because, well, he brought the damn thing up himself. ] The Old Gods are dying in droves because we, the New Gods, are replacing them in America. It's my job to bring the old fucks into the fold, to give them new avenues to reach their worshipers, to give them the opportunity to partner with the winning side to get their message out, to boost their signal before it goes out entirely. [ He makes a derisive sound through his teeth. ] But the Old Gods and those that serve them, like Mad Sweeney, are set in their ways and are determined to die fighting rather than adapt to a changing world. So it's going to end up being a bloodbath. [ His brow furrows. ] Shadow Moon is a special case. He works for the opposition, but he's human so his role is unclear. We've made a truce here because I really haven't got anything against him. Not really. The war's not personal. It's progress.
[ There's no "live and let live" when there's only so much worship to go around in a country that's steadily growing more atheist. It may not come off sounding like the noblest of causes, but it's all he's got. He's been working this angle on the Old Gods for a long time. Longer than a "new" god would like to admit. Does he choose to fight in it? ]
Sure. [ That isn't a strong "yes." ] But it's not really a choice, is it? Progress or death.
[ K's grown so accustomed to receiving fragments of information here and there about Tech Boy's life that having the broad strokes of his situation finally laid out is a very welcome surprise, even if it gives him more cause to be concerned.
That he's essentially a divine recruiter is... interesting, to say the least. As much as K likes him and finds him easy to get along with on a personal level, he isn't oblivious to the god's behaviour in general, nor the way others probably find his personality abrasive at best. Still, why would the old gods be so resistant to adapting in order to survive? ]
Sweeney mentioned Wednesday having Shadow's wife murdered to make him a better soldier. Interesting tactics for one's employer to use. [ The thinly veiled insinuation being that the gods seem remarkably human, from what he's heard, and not necessarily in good ways. Present company excluded, naturally — Tech Boy has treated him far better than humans ever have. ]
Not much of a choice. [ He agrees with a frown. And that sounds rather familiar. Progress or death. Obedience or death. ] Is it that they're set in their ways, or something about what your side's offering makes death seem more appealing than cooperation?
[ ...Is Mr. World "offering" enslavement, in other words. ]
I didn't know that about Wednesday. Sounds exactly like the conniving tactics he'd use, but I can't believe the old fuck actually had the stones to go through with it. [ Tech Boy presses his lips together in thought. ] Wednesday's one of the Old war gods. He's the one who wants the fight to get bloody. I've parlayed with him a few times, but he's gotten out of hand recently. Thinking he's still relevant. That he's better than everyone else just because he's been around for a few millennia. The Old Gods have lost touch with reality.
[ He's still not really looking at K, and for a moment he closes his eyes again to reset. Talking about this stuff isn't helpful in Deerington other than to color K's opinion of him as the topic is getting him worked up, and not in the fun way. The piano music smoothly transitions into something a little different as Tech Boy fights down a fresh wave of anxiety. The truth is that the gods are terribly, terribly human. And not in a good way. ]
Who knows what makes the old coots so resistant? [ Spoken quietly, it's not actually a question. He shakes his head. ] Why would anyone rather die than simply learn a modern way of getting the same results? Why wait for someone to sacrifice a white-haired goat at midnight during a full moon when they can just click a hyperlink instead? I don't get it. [ and he really doesn't. ]
You don't-- [ his still dilated gaze seeks to meet K's again, uncertainty hiding in the look. ] really want to hear about any of this, do you?
[ The question is met with an incredulous look and long silence as K struggles to understand how that conclusion was even reached. Because he's asking the wrong questions? How did he manage to fuck this up already? That has to be a new record. Inwardly sighing, he has to resist the urge to express his frustration outwardly, knowing it will probably just exacerbate the situation. ]
I've been asking about these things for months, trying to learn more about your life. You don't like talking about it. [ It's a delicate emphasis placed on that you, not accusatory. ] And that's fine, I've tried to respect that, but what's given you the impression I'm not interested now? Now, when you're finally giving me the answers to my questions instead of changing the subject.
[ Unless that is, in fact, what Tech Boy is attempting to do right now.
And maybe he's a little hurt, but he's doing his best not to show that, either. Because he doesn't want to make this about his feelings — he wants to understand Tech Boy's. ]
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brandnewtech) wrote2019-09-29 05:00 am
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For his dream to make much sense to anyone else it would require an explanation of his baseline tests, and he isn't sure he wants that sort of singular focus put on his problems right now. Particularly when it runs the risk of souring Tech Boy's mood. But... it could also help him understand K better, and provide some needed context for why he's struggling with the choice of having his programming altered.
While he's thinking on the offer, he eyes the vape curiously. ] What's the frog for?
[ Someone has clearly never vaped before. Though he could make an educated guess.
Something stronger than booze. It begs the obvious question of why Tech Boy partakes as often as he does. ] Are you all right? [ He asks at length, voice still quiet. ] After the ship, Rapture, [ The plasmids. ] all of that. And don't brush me off this time, please. [ As he's speaking, he's carefully walking them backwards toward the sofa, where he pulls Tech Boy down into his lap as he takes a seat, still keeping hold of him. ]
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It's named Toby. [ he says with a giggle, then continues ] The frog is aesthetic because the juice is synthetic Bufotenin. Toad skins. My personal favorite. It's nice, takes the edge off of harsh reality and keeps me level. [ which is saying something considering how emotionally unstable the god is most of the time. ]
[ He goes down to the sofa with K easily, but he finishes his drink and sets the glass down on the floor before getting comfortable for an uncomfortable conversation. ] Fine. I won't brush you off, but you're next. [ Even thinking about what he'd gone through in Rapture and the subsequent month of detox, causes him enough anxiety that he fidgets the vape in his hand. ] I'm fine now, but it hurt at first. Like flesh from the bones bad. Then it itched, like a wound healing slowly. I think now I'm just paranoid. That it'll come back... and about other things. Which is why I'm watching. [ the increased voyeurism thing. ] And I don't sleep. I can, but I haven't been.
[ Looking thoughtful, he puts the vape to his lips... but he removes it without triggering it, deciding at the last moment that he doesn't want to blow smoke in K's face. That's an interrogation tactic for him, and he's not even going to accidentally do that to K unless K chooses to join him on the trip. ]
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With the string connection, all K'd had to deal with was the acute separation anxiety whenever they were apart. It's hard to imagine managing that while also going through extreme withdrawal... ]
I wish I could've helped. If you're ever that bad off again, for any reason, I'd like you to tell me. Don't shut me out. That's the only way this— [ Gesturing between them. ] Is going to work. I signed up for the good and the bad.
[ His delivery is too gentle to be taken as a lecture, at least by the standards of most people. But having learnt how sensitive Tech Boy is to any perceived criticism, he attempts to further soften the impact of his words by slipping his hands beneath the god's shirt, languidly stroking along his sides in soothing motions. ]
You can not-sleep with me if you ever want to. [ And K knows how that sounds, judging by his small smile. Barring recovery from injuries, he requires less sleep than his human counterparts, so Tech Boy could have conscious company for most the night. ] What other things are you paranoid about?
[ At that obvious hesitation, he nods toward the vape to indicate he'll try it. But his own hands are otherwise occupied, so it's up to Tech Boy to decide how he wants to share it. At worst it may not have much of an effect on him, K figures, but he's curious now. ]
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I'm a god, K. [ His voice carries a softer edge than usual. ] We're not in the habit of admitting our weaknesses. Not to ourselves, and not to anyone else. It's dangerous to be vulnerable. [ a soft kiss on the lips. ] But I guess now you know.
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Even Tech Boy is blurring in his vision, changing. Being revealed. ]
Dangerous to be vulnerable out there. You don't have to pretend here. Not with me. [ He says quietly, bringing one of his hands up to lightly touch Tech Boy's altered face in fascination. Then leans in to return the prior kiss, warm and insistent, before whispering: ] I see you. [ And through their connection is the echo of a thought, dreadfully distinct. ]
cw: drug use (two comments ago)
Tech Boy knows what K's seeing when he looks at him. The god's hi-res human-looking form is the first to deteriorate in his own particularly astringent vapor cloud. It'll snap back to normal soon enough, but K's welcome to feel it as long as its visible. He's solid, but the godflesh tingles like faint static. The kiss brings him back. ] I'd hope so. [ to either comment. or both. ]
[ Sliding onto K's lap to properly face him, he straddles K's thighs, leaving some space between their bodies (for now). He takes a slow draw from the vape himself, inhaling from his mouth to his nose, then slowly exhaling the cloud between them. He's certain there are more questions that needed answers tonight, but the thought he'd picked up through their connection has him puzzled. ] Dreadfully? [ --distinct. It sounded vaguely rote to Tech Boy. ]
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From a poem... my favourite poem. [ It's the truth, at least, even if it's wrapped up in a little deflection. Apparently he'll have to work up to the topic. He hums low in his throat as he settles against the back of the sofa, letting his hands drift as his thoughts do, simply wanting to touch Tech Boy. Which is his default state these days, but it's especially nice right now. ]
Sorry about the voyeurism comments. [ He says while smoothing his hands up Tech Boy's thighs. ] I'm not very good at... [ Joking. Banter. Flirting. Being a person. He's not sure what best applies here. ] What was wrong, before? When I asked you to show me. I hope you know you don't have to perform for me.
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[ Tech Boy taps K's hand on his thigh with the vape. Not as an offer, more of an impatient gesture like tapping his finger. He has no reason to mistrust K's answer, but something in that look make him think it's a bigger deal than he's letting on. Later, if K's not ready for it now. Even if he's wrong and it's just poetry, there's reluctance, and the god's not pushing.
Not that the topic shift makes Tech Boy any more comfortable. Smoking mellows him out, and K assured him he can be vulnerable, but this is icky not-dreamworld stuff. Tech Boy supposes if he didn't hold such long grudges, he may have even been over it by now. ] No, you're fine at-- [ vague hand wave to indicate the missing word. ] You don't need to apologize. I have no complaints.
[ but he huffs a little, exhaling a remnant of vapor from his lungs. Well. K wanted honesty. Fine. ] That particular phrase, the way you said it. "Show me." I got burned by people I thought I could fucking trust. No... I fucking knew I couldn't trust them. [ He can feel himself getting angry again, and this is why he smokes. This time, the draw is faster and more deliberate, and he blows the smoke away from K instead. ] "Show me." Prove yourself. Fuck him. [ He tosses the vape away to the far side of the sofa with a violent flick. ]
[ Placing his hands on K's, he leans forward and slowly slides them up K's bare arms. He meets K's eyes, dilated and slightly intense with that antique monitor glow in his eyes. ] If I perform for you, it's because I want to. I want you to know how lucky you've gotten. [ Oh, so humble. --and how lucky I've gotten. ]
cw: drugs and sexual content
[ Carefully enunciating those capital letters as he slides one hand inward, between Tech Boy's legs, and lightly traces the outline of his cock through the material of his clothing while holding the eye contact. A fairly blatant attempt to redirect his emotions away from anger, but it'll be easy enough to stop K if the contact isn't wanted right now. For all he knows, maybe it feels good to be angry while high; he's still learning Tech Boy's idiosyncrasies. ]
And if you're going to fuck anyone— [ He raises his eyebrows with a slight smile. ] I'm sorry for what happened to you, though. [ And now he knows to maybe avoid using that particular phrase in the future...
With his free hand he reaches for the thrown vape, holding it up to get a better look at the frog. ]
While snubbing gods, including the big G,
Iph borrowed some peripheral debris
From mystic visions; and it offered tips
(The amber spectacles for life's eclipse)—
How not to panic when you're made a ghost:
Sidle and slide, choose a smooth surd, and coast,
Meet solid bodies and glissade right through,
Or let a person circulate through you.
[ He'd said he wanted to hear some poetry, so no time like the present. Afterward K pauses and looks up from his contemplation of Toby. ]
Were these other gods who abused your trust?
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Regaining eye contact as if the faux pas never happened, he folds his hands behind K's neck as he recites poetry. ]
what to do
On suddenly discovering that you
Are now a young and vulnerable toad
Plump in the middle of a busy road,
Or a bear cub beneath a burning pine,
Or a book mite in a revived divine.
[ He blinks. ] Why the fuck do I know that and can't remember Yeats on cue?
[ but then he grows still and serious. ] Two yes, and one no. [ then barely a whisper ] They retired me. How dare they. How fucking dare they. [ but there's no anger in it this time. Only pain. He leans forward to rest his forehead against K's. ] I don't want to talk about this right now.
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If he weren't so accustomed to suppressing his "problematic" reactions (read: likely to upset humans or draw unwanted attention to himself) he would have shuddered. The internal horror he feels is all the worse for the lack of physical expression.
After a long moment, his faintly shaking hands come to rest on either side of Tech Boy's face, thumbs lightly stroking his skin. K's eyes are closed as he concentrates on one of his memories of walking through downtown Los Angeles, his perfect recall recreating the details in flawless clarity for Tech Boy. For K, an unremarkable day. But for someone who's never experienced it—
It's a sea of neon and noise.
Behemoth skyscrapers several hundred storeys high are covered with projected holographic adverts, a shimmering holographic ballerina pirouetting between them. Loud speakers attached to aerial screens shill off-world tours for exorbitant prices. A caravan of flying cars zip overhead at breakneck speed through the perpetually overcast sky — in the memory, K's eyes briefly follow them as they disappear into the distance.
There are slow-moving, tankish street cleaners to detoxify the rain and snow that never cease, taxis, rickshaws; but the majority of people are on foot — hundreds crowding the streets, most armed with umbrellas. Because of this, there's an occasional snarled 'fucking skinjob' and the like from human passers-by, including his own human coworkers of the LAPD. The encounters are immediately followed by glimpses of the wet, snow-covered pavement from K averting his eyes to avoid conflict.
As he heads deeper into the market, he's greeted by walls of vending machines with animated screens. The market is subdivided by stalls, stations, shops, all under bright lights; the eclectic crowd of customers in a crush to purchase food and drink, entertainment, gadgets. And of course there's the Wallace Corporation's ubiquitous presence, offering synthetic food solutions, a variety of services, holographic companions (some can be seen walking and flirting with their human users), as well as K's own kind just like any other product being sold to the masses, with a lurid emphasis placed on the pleasure models that are available. They're all designed to be used in one way or another, as he'd said.
But the main takeaway he's hoping Tech Boy will have is that technology is everywhere, old, new, a blending of both, an integral part of the world. The humans of K's world are no longer able to survive without technology in a very literal sense — the ecosystems have collapsed. Without the technology that develops synthetic food sources, they would all starve. Without replicant slave labour to colonise other planets, they would all die on the one they've all but destroyed.
A grim future, perhaps, but technologically beautiful. ]
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This connection. They'd touched before, but nothing quite on this scale. Tech Boy is seeing a real memory of the future through K's own eyes. And what he sees, it's... awe inspiring.
When they'd first met, the god had immediately analysed a few things about K himself and about the technologically advanced future he must have come from. He'd known his own divine influence must have survived in some capacity to inspire the creation of the beautifully and intricately fashioned replicants such as the one on front of him. Seeing it first-hand, however.... The prevalence of and unprecedented reliance on this technology, it... It stripped him of words. Whatever preconceived notion he had entertained but had never bothered to confirm is completely blown out of the water by K's reality.
Even though the memory playback is not designed to look for the divine touch, Tech Boy can see evidence of his own hand (or a version of it) at work here. Clearly Media's, too, as the two gods had never and would never truly be rid of each other. While he hadn't (as of 2018) developed the initial idea for most of what he's seeing, with a glance he could backwards engineer much of it. It's exceptional work. Clever application. Embraced wholesale by the masses and thriving. Evolving. Grim as it may be, this is a vision of the future that the New Gods would have hoped for.
This is also a future a binary god would birth in the mind of a genius and then never see into fruition. It would take an upgraded iteration of the God of Technology to produce this, not himself. And knowing that, he's glad he's seeing it now.
Sort of.
Even as he's marveling at a larger view K's world, Tech Boy doesn't miss the behavior of others towards K himself. The fact that K averts his gaze at the insults from the humans who pass him. Intelligent, self-aware beings treated as lesser than and sold as a commodity. Nothing synthetic in Tech Boy's own time has developed enough sentience to warrant his direct protection from human meddling, but seeing it here drives deep an almost parental instinct. The mistreatment is appalling. Completely foreseeable and exactly what he'd expect, knowing humans as he does, but distasteful and disappointing. This is how they treat his divine inspiration to their species? Forever ungrateful, the whole lot of them. ]
How beautiful [ he says aloud, voice low ] and how fucking vulgar. [ Tech Boy kisses K's lips softly, feeling like every nerve is lit up. His eyes remain closed because he doesn't entirely know what will happens when he opens them again. The one thing he knows for sure is that he's not intending to let go of K anytime soon. ]
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He's smiling into the kiss and continues to hold Tech Boy's face between his hands, resuming the gentle stroking motions with his thumbs, savouring the contact. ]
No matter what they may do to you— [ The ones whom Tech Boy had referred to having retired him. And the thought of it still has K vaguely nauseous, but he presses on quietly. ] You're here to stay. There can't be a future without you. Even when the world is collapsing, you'll live on.
[ Across a dozen other planets, eventually carried to other galaxies. By replicants, undoubtedly. And maybe one day of their own volition. ]
I exist because of you. [ Indirectly, maybe, but he's prepared to silence Tech Boy with another kiss if he tries to argue semantics. ] Like I told you, I'm incredibly lucky. [ And there's no need for the God of Technology to pretend to be humble right now. K's grateful to have been trusted with that glimpse of his pain, before, and hopes any of this might help ease it, however briefly. ]
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His thoughts linger on the memory, replaying what he recalls. The negative reactions of others toward the replicant population and K himself... it makes Tech Boy wish he could have been there for him sooner. Humans must have settled their differences amongst each other and traded racism for bigotry against synthetics. Humanity remains constantly disappointing.
But K... and his world... are marvels. The tension seems to melt from his body as he relaxes into K's touch, hooked on his words.
He does open his mouth to protest and will gladly accept a kiss instead. It's complicated, but some way he does survive. He hasn't died. Not for good. Hasn't failed. Not for long. With the chill of weakness fading, he begins to caress K's chest with the hand he'd been resting over his heart. ]
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He sighs out a breath, a quiet sound of contentment at Tech Boy's touch. And maybe he shouldn't read too much into the placement of his hand, but it's... sweet, disarmingly so. Not a word he'd normally associate with this particular god, but he does have his moments lately. ]
Are you in the mood to let me see what you were working on? [ A tentative question (carefully avoiding a request to show me) as he lowers his hands to either side of Tech Boy's neck, not willing to let him go just yet. A chance for Tech Boy to show off if he wants to. ] Or do you want to come to bed with me? [ He offers a slight smile. ] I'll bet I could read you to sleep.
[ If sleep is what he wants. Or they could stay like this. K clearly isn't in a hurry to get up. ]
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I do want to come to bed with you, but if you want to meet the Children, that can be arranged with minimal fuss. We wouldn't even need to move, unless the fact that they're humanoid bothers you. [ His eyes are open now, pupils dilated so far his eyes look dark instead of blue, but he makes no effort to pull away. ] It can also wait until morning. They're not going anywhere.
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They're an extension of your own will. [ And not sentient, he reminds himself. ] So I'm going to assume I don't need to put on pants for this.
[ Actually he's going to assume neither of them have to be clothed for this, and Tech Boy needs to shed some layers if he's coming to bed, so they might as well get a head start on that at the same time. Efficiency. Hooking the fingers of one hand into the waistband of Tech Boy's pants, K's focus remains on the god's face as he begins undoing them. Still without any particular urgency behind his actions, which is only in part because of the lingering effects of the vape; it's clear he's just enjoying himself. His smile returns as his expression softens with a fond look. ]
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Tech Boy could easily have stayed just this way. The offer of bed and dozing while being read to is really tempting. But he also does really like to show off and, in doing so, gives him a chance to flex his powers before this dream world decides to strip him of the privilege again. He hesitates simply to prolong the uninterrupted moment between them.
True to his word, he doesn't have to move to bring the Children online, but he does flutter his eyes closed. The phone screen lights up where it's still sitting on K's piano. A moment later, there's a soft digital sound as one forms seemingly out of nothing. Faceless, the male form is dressed simply in all black and stands with a relaxed posture, hands in his pockets in a manner very similar to Tech Boy himself.
And now to watch K's reaction closely. ] What do you think?
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He obliges the request by stilling his hands. For a moment, at least, and then he takes one of Tech Boy's hands between his own while he manifests one of the Children. The construct is. Not entirely horrifying? But as he stares at it, he can easily imagine they must be disturbing for humans to encounter, and perhaps intentionally so. His expression ebbs into a troubled look, though not for the reasons Tech Boy may assume. ]
They're part of you. [ Thoughtfully, while running his thumb across the back of Tech Boy's hand, and he looks from the construct back to him. ] You said they serve the new gods. You're the only one who's able to control them?
[ Given his own experiences with being controlled by others, it shouldn't be surprising that that's where his mind goes first — now concerned that it's Tech Boy, himself, possibly being forced to do things he'd rather not. ]
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The troubled look worries Tech Boy, and he narrows his eyes slightly in thought.
And in response to the comment, he actually looks away. ]
They're a part of me. I offer them to aid the New Gods in Mr. World's war. [ He almost omits mentioning the war, but in truth he'd never extended the use of the Children to the other gods until such a need arose. For exactly the reason that K fears. Doing things he doesn't want to do. But that's the way in war, isn't it? ] I control them exclusively, but there are times when other's orders need to be followed.
[ The construct gives a small bow then takes a seat at K's piano. He begins to play softly. Despite the bizarre appearance, the playing is quite skilled, an extension of Tech Boy's own ability. ]
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A war... That's why you don't get along with Sweeney and Shadow Moon. [ He guesses. And while he's yet to meet the latter party, Sweeney has told him a few things that are suddenly making more sense. After several moments' consideration, he reaches up and gently cups Tech Boy's cheek with a hand again, not forcing him to look back, but offering reassurance. Being allowed this kind of tactile contact now has opened up avenues for comfort that weren't previously available to him, and he's taking full advantage of it. ]
You choose to fight in it? [ He very carefully asks. ]
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[ There's no "live and let live" when there's only so much worship to go around in a country that's steadily growing more atheist. It may not come off sounding like the noblest of causes, but it's all he's got. He's been working this angle on the Old Gods for a long time. Longer than a "new" god would like to admit. Does he choose to fight in it? ]
Sure. [ That isn't a strong "yes." ] But it's not really a choice, is it? Progress or death.
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That he's essentially a divine recruiter is... interesting, to say the least. As much as K likes him and finds him easy to get along with on a personal level, he isn't oblivious to the god's behaviour in general, nor the way others probably find his personality abrasive at best. Still, why would the old gods be so resistant to adapting in order to survive? ]
Sweeney mentioned Wednesday having Shadow's wife murdered to make him a better soldier. Interesting tactics for one's employer to use. [ The thinly veiled insinuation being that the gods seem remarkably human, from what he's heard, and not necessarily in good ways. Present company excluded, naturally — Tech Boy has treated him far better than humans ever have. ]
Not much of a choice. [ He agrees with a frown. And that sounds rather familiar. Progress or death. Obedience or death. ] Is it that they're set in their ways, or something about what your side's offering makes death seem more appealing than cooperation?
[ ...Is Mr. World "offering" enslavement, in other words. ]
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[ He's still not really looking at K, and for a moment he closes his eyes again to reset. Talking about this stuff isn't helpful in Deerington other than to color K's opinion of him as the topic is getting him worked up, and not in the fun way. The piano music smoothly transitions into something a little different as Tech Boy fights down a fresh wave of anxiety. The truth is that the gods are terribly, terribly human. And not in a good way. ]
Who knows what makes the old coots so resistant? [ Spoken quietly, it's not actually a question. He shakes his head. ] Why would anyone rather die than simply learn a modern way of getting the same results? Why wait for someone to sacrifice a white-haired goat at midnight during a full moon when they can just click a hyperlink instead? I don't get it. [ and he really doesn't. ]
You don't-- [ his still dilated gaze seeks to meet K's again, uncertainty hiding in the look. ] really want to hear about any of this, do you?
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I've been asking about these things for months, trying to learn more about your life. You don't like talking about it. [ It's a delicate emphasis placed on that you, not accusatory. ] And that's fine, I've tried to respect that, but what's given you the impression I'm not interested now? Now, when you're finally giving me the answers to my questions instead of changing the subject.
[ Unless that is, in fact, what Tech Boy is attempting to do right now.
And maybe he's a little hurt, but he's doing his best not to show that, either. Because he doesn't want to make this about his feelings — he wants to understand Tech Boy's. ]
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